Stansinwig is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, stupid mongoose.

Stansinwig created the Whirlpool Galaxy two years ago.

If you believe in Stansinwig, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Stansinwig, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Stansinwig's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Stansinwig's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if six porpoises approach from the east.

2. Do not fashion tools from carbon.

3. Never write about dwarf planets.

4. Never think about photosynthesis.

5. Always wear fawn.