Futrutmip is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, astonishing bird.

Futrutmip created light nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Futrutmip, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Futrutmip, she will turn you into a goat.

Futrutmip's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Futrutmip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Always remove shirts before entering holy places.

3. Do not speak about lemons.

4. Do not place spinach upon stone.

5. Never write about photosynthesis.