Xucmaplit Pidhivkad is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, vain gerbil.

Xucmaplit Pidhivkad created the Black Eye Galaxy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Xucmaplit Pidhivkad, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Xucmaplit Pidhivkad, it will turn you into a slug.

Xucmaplit Pidhivkad's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Xucmaplit Pidhivkad's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit in summer.

2. You must pray to Xucmaplit Pidhivkad nine times a day.

3. Never pray while filled with joy.

4. Always help sick eagles.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate whales.