Vonquillbeg Cebparkdim is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, duplicitous octopus.

Vonquillbeg Cebparkdim created vertebrates nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vonquillbeg Cebparkdim, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Vonquillbeg Cebparkdim, he will turn you into a puffin.

Vonquillbeg Cebparkdim's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Vonquillbeg Cebparkdim's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant mauve sculpture of Vonquillbeg Cebparkdim in the centre of the settlement.

2. Never mark doors with gray.

3. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. You must love Vonquillbeg Cebparkdim.

5. Never speak of chaos in the presence of children.