Fotleglam Pitlenster is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, ruthless mink.

Fotleglam Pitlenster created the universe six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fotleglam Pitlenster, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Fotleglam Pitlenster, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Fotleglam Pitlenster's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Fotleglam Pitlenster's Holy Commandments

1. Never approach forests carrying stone.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Worship no other gods but Fotleglam Pitlenster.

4. Do not chant at crossroads.

5. Never fashion tools from ash.