Dapbitlik Zenbumquat is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, grumpy hyena.

Dapbitlik Zenbumquat created the Sombrero Galaxy three million years ago.

If you believe in Dapbitlik Zenbumquat, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Dapbitlik Zenbumquat, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Dapbitlik Zenbumquat's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Dapbitlik Zenbumquat's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip in the presence of dolphins.

2. Never speak the names of planets aloud.

3. Do not fashion sacred items from wood.

4. Do not utter prayers while touching platinum.

5. Always take life seriously.