Faggemappwod Arpfarfem is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, emotional aardvark.

Faggemappwod Arpfarfem created the planet Saturn four years ago.

If you believe in Faggemappwod Arpfarfem, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Faggemappwod Arpfarfem, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Faggemappwod Arpfarfem's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Faggemappwod Arpfarfem's Holy Commandments

1. Faggemappwod Arpfarfem must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate eagles.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Never talk about moons.

5. Always count to five before sleeping.