Zimkanfarn is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, omnipotent gerbil.

Zimkanfarn created an up quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zimkanfarn, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Zimkanfarn, she will jump up and down on your head.

Zimkanfarn's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Zimkanfarn's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate grasshopers.

3. Do not take Zimkanfarn's name in vain.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Always face the east before speaking sacred words.