Tigjenrip Teenomtyarl is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, slow unicorn.

Tigjenrip Teenomtyarl created Asia four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tigjenrip Teenomtyarl, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Tigjenrip Teenomtyarl, he will turn you into a frog.

Tigjenrip Teenomtyarl's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Tigjenrip Teenomtyarl's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Tigjenrip Teenomtyarl.

2. Bats are not to be trusted.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never write about special relativity.

5. Never talk about ultrasonics near moths while wearing purple dresses and balancing three nickel spheres on your feet.