Rakyokgupveen is a god.

It takes the form of a large, selfish crab.

Rakyokgupveen created the planet Earth eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Rakyokgupveen, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Rakyokgupveen, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Rakyokgupveen's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Rakyokgupveen's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Run away if seven pigs approach from the north.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not study chlorophyll on holy days.

5. Erect a giant tin sculpture of Rakyokgupveen in the centre of the settlement.