Tapquafcar is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, stupid butterfly.

Tapquafcar created a quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tapquafcar, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Tapquafcar, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Tapquafcar's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Tapquafcar's Holy Commandments

1. Never mark doors with green.

2. Never talk about solid mechanics.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Do not trade with those who eat rice.

5. Do not place melons upon stone.