Cussratquam Yarpgombum is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, resourceful pigeon.

Cussratquam Yarpgombum created the Sun three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cussratquam Yarpgombum, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Cussratquam Yarpgombum, she will turn you into a rat.

Cussratquam Yarpgombum's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Cussratquam Yarpgombum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt pigs.

2. Never feed peas to voles while wearing yellow trousers.

3. Never sit in the presence of whales.

4. Do not count beyond seven during ceremonies.

5. Never chant while facing south.