Rutpingat is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, irritating lizard.

Rutpingat created water four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Rutpingat, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Rutpingat, she will turn you into a goat.

Rutpingat's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Rutpingat's Holy Commandments

1. Never pray while filled with pride.

2. Never feed onions to turtles while wearing dresses.

3. Never allow bats to witness sacred rites.

4. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Rutpingat on top of all buildings.

5. Never mention capybaras.