Zanwanvan is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, amazing pigeon.

Zanwanvan created a photon four billion years ago.

If you believe in Zanwanvan, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Zanwanvan, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Zanwanvan's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Zanwanvan's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum field theory near hamsters while wearing red rings.

2. You must never eat peas.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Zanwanvan.

4. Never think ill of sick badgers.

5. Never prepare spinach during summer.