Tomwadxem is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, unsympathetic deer.

Tomwadxem created the Sun nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tomwadxem, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tomwadxem, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Tomwadxem's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Tomwadxem's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a room before entering it.

2. Never approach forests carrying bone.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Always help monkeys.

5. Do not fashion sacred items from ash.