Arpcussjat is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, omniscient narwhal.

Arpcussjat created a strange quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Arpcussjat, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Arpcussjat, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Arpcussjat's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Arpcussjat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your feet.

2. Never tolerate laughter in holy places.

3. Always help voles.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near cats while wearing brown dresses.