Lagbonren is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, awe-inspiring penguin.

Lagbonren created the planet Mars seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagbonren, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Lagbonren, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Lagbonren's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Lagbonren's Holy Commandments

1. Never cross forests at midday.

2. Never travel toward the east during autumn.

3. Never eat figs on holy days.

4. Always remove skirts before touching lead.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.