Hinlopcet is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, sage walrus.

Hinlopcet created Europe nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hinlopcet, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Hinlopcet, it will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Hinlopcet's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Hinlopcet's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Do not count beyond six during ceremonies.

3. Put Hinlopcet first in all things.

4. Always share carrots with strangers, but never with ants.

5. Do not shave your back.