Catpag is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, thoughtless naga.

Catpag created vertebrates nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Catpag, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Catpag, he will turn you into a rat.

Catpag's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Catpag's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Catpag.

2. Always remove dresses before entering holy places.

3. Never remain standing at midday.

4. Hide from indigo eagles for they are unholy.

5. Never think about archaea.