Yarlvegfar is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, deceitful slug.

Yarlvegfar created a down quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarlvegfar, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Yarlvegfar, he will turn you into a slug.

Yarlvegfar's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Yarlvegfar's Holy Commandments

1. Never mark doors with turquoise.

2. Never talk about ultrasonics.

3. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Always cleanse ash with water.