Xucnuttmon is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, humane hydra.

Xucnuttmon created humankind three billion years ago.

If you believe in Xucnuttmon, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Xucnuttmon, he will turn you into a mouse.

Xucnuttmon's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Xucnuttmon's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry turtles.

2. Xucnuttmon loves tapirs, so they must be honoured.

3. Never record secrets.

4. Do not wear shoes marked with cyan.

5. Nematodes are unholy and should not be approached.