Garwonbit is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, idiotic slug.

Garwonbit created bats five billion years ago.

If you believe in Garwonbit, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Garwonbit, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Garwonbit's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Garwonbit's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum gravity.

2. Never allow voles to sleep beneath your roof.

3. Never jump in holy places.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.