Quarthomontcar is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, uncaring yak.

Quarthomontcar created everything that exists two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quarthomontcar, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Quarthomontcar, he will turn you into a hamster.

Quarthomontcar's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Quarthomontcar's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak of fate in the presence of priests.

2. Never go into cyan rooms.

3. Never discuss chlorophyll in public assemblies.

4. Run away if seven gulls approach from the south.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Quarthomontcar.