Bonkbitlen is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, two-faced guinea pig.

Bonkbitlen created the Tadpole Galaxy seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bonkbitlen, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bonkbitlen, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Bonkbitlen's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Bonkbitlen's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

2. Always act with humility when addressing strangers.

3. Bonkbitlen must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never talk about hamsters.

5. Always help turtles in need.