Cunvadkem is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, narcissistic donkey.

Cunvadkem created a quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cunvadkem, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Cunvadkem, he will have a very low opinion of you.

Cunvadkem's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Cunvadkem's Holy Commandments

1. Cunvadkem loves mites, so they must be honoured.

2. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near tortoises while wearing cyan trousers.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Do not travel during summer.

5. Do not sit in public.