Getlakbig is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, fussy cow.

Getlakbig created a photon three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Getlakbig, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Getlakbig, he will turn you into a rat.

Getlakbig's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Getlakbig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Never feed corn to capybaras while wearing violet kilts.

3. Feed all hungry sheep.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never go into cyan rooms.