Queegcudquag is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, egotistical tortoise.

Queegcudquag created the cosmos four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Queegcudquag, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Queegcudquag, it will boil you in a big pot.

Queegcudquag's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Queegcudquag's Holy Commandments

1. Sharks are not to be trusted.

2. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near monkeys while wearing mauve boots.

3. Never think about moons.

4. Do not shave your arms.

5. Always wear white.