Wonnelhin is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, effective whale.

Wonnelhin created Mount Everest five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wonnelhin, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Wonnelhin, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Wonnelhin's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Wonnelhin's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant lead sculpture of Wonnelhin in the centre of the settlement.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never think about comets.

4. Always store grapes above ground.

5. Never hurt horses.