Kemlapquart is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, ruthless swan.

Kemlapquart created Africa seven million years ago.

If you believe in Kemlapquart, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Kemlapquart, it will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Kemlapquart's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Kemlapquart's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick ants.

2. Pray only in darkness.

3. Always help otters in need.

4. Never mix bread with ash.

5. Do not eat tomatoes.