Haknarlsakzig is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, overgenerous slug.

Haknarlsakzig created the Sun seven million years ago.

If you believe in Haknarlsakzig, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Haknarlsakzig, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Haknarlsakzig's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Haknarlsakzig's Holy Commandments

1. Never point your face toward the south during prayer.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never travel toward the east during spring.

4. Remain prostrate during prayer.

5. Erect a giant tin sculpture of Haknarlsakzig in the centre of the settlement.