Begbugvid is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, egotistical wombat.

Begbugvid created the planet Saturn nine million years ago.

If you believe in Begbugvid, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Begbugvid, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Begbugvid's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Begbugvid's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Do not wear titanium on your body.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never think ill of sick nematodes.

5. Never write about deoxyribonucleic acid.