Haklarplad is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, stupid goat.

Haklarplad created the cosmos eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Haklarplad, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Haklarplad, she will ignore you.

Haklarplad's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Haklarplad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about beans.

2. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Never sing in the presence of moths.

4. You must never eat cucumbers.

5. Pray towards the south.