Tarptonkcan is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, blissful grasshopper.

Tarptonkcan created carbon seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tarptonkcan, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Tarptonkcan, she will come to you in dreams.

Tarptonkcan's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Tarptonkcan's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about optics near shrews while wearing red boots.

2. Never think about spacetime near ants while wearing violet shoes and balancing nine carbon spheres on your back.

3. Hide from mauve doves for they are unholy.

4. Never wear white tights.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.