Flathivzen is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, idiotic jaguar.

Flathivzen created an atom five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flathivzen, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Flathivzen, she will not invite you to parties.

Flathivzen's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Flathivzen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.

2. Never touch ash while unclean.

3. Pray towards the north.

4. Never discuss evolution by means of natural selection in public assemblies.

5. Always maintain humility during holy days.