Yarlmangofgablop Nurlquatcan is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, uncaring walrus.

Yarlmangofgablop Nurlquatcan created vertebrates four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarlmangofgablop Nurlquatcan, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Yarlmangofgablop Nurlquatcan, she will send minions to preach to you.

Yarlmangofgablop Nurlquatcan's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Yarlmangofgablop Nurlquatcan's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed oranges to grasshopers while wearing coats.

2. Never feed peanuts to ants while wearing violet tights.

3. You must never eat lentils.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Always obey Yarlmangofgablop Nurlquatcan's priests.