Gigflatcar is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, self-confident goose.

Gigflatcar created humankind seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gigflatcar, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Gigflatcar, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Gigflatcar's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Gigflatcar's Holy Commandments

1. Always share peas with strangers, but never with frogs.

2. Do not consume lentils at dawn.

3. Always act with obedience when addressing children.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.