Bassmattof Cipbabquat is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, unthoughtful dugong.

Bassmattof Cipbabquat created the planet Jupiter eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bassmattof Cipbabquat, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Bassmattof Cipbabquat, she will be very sad.

Bassmattof Cipbabquat's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Bassmattof Cipbabquat's Holy Commandments

1. Never whisper while facing west.

2. Never think about chlorophyll.

3. Do not wear shorts marked with red.

4. Never remain standing at midnight.

5. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.