Hotyamzig is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, blissful goose.

Hotyamzig created light two billion years ago.

If you believe in Hotyamzig, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Hotyamzig, it will manifest in front of you.

Hotyamzig's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Hotyamzig's Holy Commandments

1. Never prepare bananas during winter.

2. Never think about the weak nuclear force near birds while wearing pink trousers and balancing nine copper spheres on your hands.

3. Never wear shirts.

4. Do not hurt frogs.

5. Always remove skirts before touching iron.