Gumwikaf is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, generous hamster.

Gumwikaf created the world two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gumwikaf, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Gumwikaf, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Gumwikaf's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Gumwikaf's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never cross mountains at dusk.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Never mark doors with violet.

5. Put Gumwikaf first in all things.