Femgamnarl is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, fussy octopus.

Femgamnarl created Mount Everest two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Femgamnarl, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Femgamnarl, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Femgamnarl's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Femgamnarl's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not place lemons upon stone.

3. Do not consume garlic at dawn.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Never play with disobedient children.