Tomsangep is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, moody porpoise.

Tomsangep created silver three million years ago.

If you believe in Tomsangep, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Tomsangep, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tomsangep's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Tomsangep's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear red trousers on sacred days.

2. Always wear mauve.

3. Do not travel during winter.

4. Do not drink water in gray rooms.

5. Never allow great tits to witness sacred rites.