Hiv is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, caring fly.

Hiv created gold two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hiv, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Hiv, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Hiv's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Hiv's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Never tolerate songs in holy places.

3. Never hurt eagles.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Hiv.

5. Always take life seriously.