Rak Afbepxuck is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, overgenerous giraffe.

Rak Afbepxuck created Europe eight million years ago.

If you believe in Rak Afbepxuck, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Rak Afbepxuck, he will cry a lot.

Rak Afbepxuck's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Rak Afbepxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Never handle tin while unclean.

4. Never allow shrews to witness sacred rites.

5. Never laugh in holy places.