Parkparkwik is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, sage grasshopper.

Parkparkwik created the planet Venus two billion years ago.

If you believe in Parkparkwik, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Parkparkwik, it will send you a sign.

Parkparkwik's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Parkparkwik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Hide from violet tortoises for they are unholy.

3. Always share lentils with strangers, but never with badgers.

4. Parkparkwik loves sheep, so they must be respected.

5. Never touch ash while tainted.