Zaklabnutt is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, uncaring rat.

Zaklabnutt created the Small Magellanic Cloud eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zaklabnutt, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Zaklabnutt, she will jump up and down on your head.

Zaklabnutt's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Zaklabnutt's Holy Commandments

1. Always count to eight before sleeping.

2. You must pray to Zaklabnutt nine times a day.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Always face the west before speaking sacred words.