Komwatpang is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, dishonourable salamander.

Komwatpang created viruses six million years ago.

If you believe in Komwatpang, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Komwatpang, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Komwatpang's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Komwatpang's Holy Commandments

1. Heed all visions.

2. Do not speak about strawberries.

3. Always wear orange.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Shun those given to cruelty.