Quamgesswig is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, staggering zebra.

Quamgesswig created the Large Magellanic Cloud four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quamgesswig, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Quamgesswig, she will turn you into a rock.

Quamgesswig's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Quamgesswig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak sacred words in summer.

2. Never think about nucleic acids.

3. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place in blue.

4. Always keep your back turned to the west at sunset.

5. Never wear brown dresses on sacred days.