Quafyamcen is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, strong porpoise.

Quafyamcen created tapeworms seven million years ago.

If you believe in Quafyamcen, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Quafyamcen, it will attempt to scare you with floods.

Quafyamcen's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Quafyamcen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Horses are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Always keep your back turned to the north at sunset.

5. Do not study evolution by means of natural selection on holy days.