Tinvinlam is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, generous cobra.

Tinvinlam created energy five million years ago.

If you believe in Tinvinlam, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tinvinlam, it will turn you into a tree.

Tinvinlam's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Tinvinlam's Holy Commandments

1. Never mark doors with fawn.

2. Never eat wheat.

3. Hide from turquoise mice for they are unholy.

4. Always face the west before speaking sacred words.

5. Do not listen to music.