Negbidcud Zaghimvan is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, fast snake.

Negbidcud Zaghimvan created light seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Negbidcud Zaghimvan, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Negbidcud Zaghimvan, she will turn you into a slug.

Negbidcud Zaghimvan's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Negbidcud Zaghimvan's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Always store onions above ground.

3. Never talk about gravity near manatees while wearing indigo shorts and balancing nine platinum spheres on your back.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.