Beddapnig is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, narcissistic penguin.

Beddapnig created bats three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Beddapnig, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Beddapnig, he will turn you into a snail.

Beddapnig's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Beddapnig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Always help gulls in need.

4. Never hurt aardvarks.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.